Sometimes, she feels lonely. Isolated by anxiety, self-consiousness, and fear.
Sometimes, she is overwhelmed. By cleaning and laundry and dishes and all of the other things that make her feel more like a maid and less like a mom.
Sometimes, she is just plain tired. She is worn out, freaked out, worried over a future that just never seems to be enough.
She is a mom.
She is a wife. She is an employee, and a sister, and a daughter, and a friend, and a citizen, and a woman…
she is a hot mess.
She is a broken, hot freaking mess.
I thought this all would be easy. Balancing work, balancing motherhood and wife-hood, and all of the other things that comes with this era of life.
I thought this all would be seamless. That becoming the parent would somehow earn me a free pass to “life is hard.” Cause, seriously, superheroes never look like they are working hard.
I’m literally laughing right now.
We spent months preparing for birth. We should’ve spent months preparing for the life that comes after.
There are so many aspects of postpartum that I wish I would’ve known, I wish I would’ve known that…
- It’s okay to not be okay. Emotions are real. They come, and they go, but they are worth validation.
- Your body needs time to heal. So, rest. The house can wait.
- Actually, ask those friends who are asking to help to help! Seriously, do it!
- Enjoy the snuggles. Enjoying the sleepy baby moments.
- It may be hard to bond, but it’s okay that it may be hard to bond! You have all the time in the world to grow closer to your baby, take your time.
- Sometimes, nursing sucks. It’s not your fault if your baby doesn’t gain weight like the doctor says she should. You’re doing your best. You are doing your best.
- That’s it: You ARE doing your best. Let that be enough.
- Each stage is it’s own. You don’t have to have it all figured out now.
- Others will give you advice. Don’t be afraid to reject that advice.
- But, don’t be too stubborn to take that advice.
Each new month has given me a new opportunity to be stubborn, but also to learn that I don’t have it all together. I’m grateful to all the moms who have come before me who’ve taught me how to keep my hands wide open, and to never fear a life that is messy.
Postpartum is meant to be embraced as a challenge, but also welcomed as a gift. I’ll never have these moments with my baby again. And, that is enough to remind me to stop believing I am my hot mess and start realizing that I am a capable, beautiful, GOOD mom.
I. am. enough.